Stephanie Complains About Stuff and Fails at Google

So Mondays haven’t been so good for me lately… But here I am on a lovely Tuesday evening, typing a lovely blog post. Er…

I was told by someone that I should just google the world’s shortest book and read that. However, I have found that it is impossible to find out what is ACTUALLY the world’s shortest book because all you will be given in response to the query are titles such as:

The Ethiopian Guide to World Domination

How to Cook Sushi

One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA

Heterosexual Hangouts in Key West

Now I’ve never been to Key West, but you get the idea. I tried typing “literally the world’s shortest book,” but that didn’t do it either. But how would you classify the world’s shortest book? Like just disregard children’s books or small poetry collections? Only count books that can be classed as adult novels? That wouldn’t be any good anyway because the only novels for adults I want to read are those in A Song of Ice and Fire. None of them are the world’s shortest book. Definitely not.

So anyway, the point is that I find myself again without much to write about. I can’t really talk about Feast for Crows, I have hardly any time at all to read lately, and I still tend to read the same books over and over again when I do find time. Although – maybe I should briefly talk about that. By “that” I mean how horrible it is to not spend every moment of every day reading. I do not particularly enjoy TV in general. There are certain shows that I am obsessed with and will happily watch over and over. Sometimes the TV plays movies that I like. But on the whole, I do not really care about the vast majority of what television has to offer. I might say the same of real life. I am not into the going out and the clubbing and the party like a rock star lifestyle that I witness every weekend at work. But I do want to read everything.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the thought that I will not have time over the course of my life to read *everything.* I admit, it is partly my fault because I have a serious re-reading problem. I’m trying to plow through A Song of Ice and Fire, but I’m seriously itching to go back to Hunger Games and His Dark Materials. I am constantly picking up Harry Potter as a way to relax and unwind. And I’m also thinking about how soon Goliath comes out and how I should be reading Leviathan and Behemoth again to prepare. I always want to revisit these books I loved so much the first time (or the thirtieth time….)

But how will I ever get around to all the other books if I can’t stop re-reading??

I am obsessed with fantasy. It fascinates me to no end when authors literally create an entire alternate universe for me to live in instead of this boring one I was born into. I do get a little obsessive with it, I admit, but I need it. It puts me in another place, another state of mind where that can all be real and reality can suck it. But sometimes, I’m equally fascinated with books that reveal the beauty of the world that does exist. Because, in fact, the world isn’t all about acting like an idiot, dressing like a slut, and sucking up to assholes. In fact, the world is fucking AMAZING. And people like Richard Dawkins and Stephen Hawking wrote books to tell me about it. If only I had the time… I would love to be that Twilight Zone guy who has all eternity to just read. And I don’t wear glasses so there is no chance I would run into his dilemma.

I don’t really know where this incredibly short (world’s shortest??) and rambling post is going… I mostly just wanted to note that I am alive and reading and that if you are also too busy working and trying to please other people to read – I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I guess it’s kind of also a plea to myself to get it together and stop doing things that make me miserable when it seems what I really want is so simple – TO READ. That’s attainable. I just have to do it. In fact, I could be doing it right now…do you know how much more George R. R. Martin nonsense I have to read? So much.

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11 thoughts on “Stephanie Complains About Stuff and Fails at Google

  1. I have a problem with “A Song of Ice and Fire”, and that problem is I feel like it should be “A Song of Fire and Ice”. But I don’t know why!?!

    Also, I have to read the series as fast or faster than Mark Reads. I think I’m slightly ahead of him on “Clash of Kings”! I just gotta keep up this pace. 200 pages left to go and then onto “Storm of Swords”! Then it’s the two not as awesome books in the series.

    • I have the same problem with “A Song of Ice & Fire.” I usually say “A Song of Fiiiice? And Fire?”

      Also, I have been avoiding “A Storm of Swords” for days because I’m on a Bran chapter and I. Don’t. Care. Ugh, Bran chapters.

      • I think I might hate Bran chapters more than Catelyn chapters.

        “A Storm of Swords” just came in the mail yesterday! Can’t wait to read those Jaime chapters. Although I probably shouldn’t look at chapters because now I’m assuming they killed someone to add those extra people in.

    • Perhaps Robert Frost’s “Fire and Ice”?
      Even besides that cultural bias, I think it’s easier to say fire first, as it just flows better. Less of a harsh sound. *meanders away*

  2. Holy shit. I didn’t know it was “Ice and Fire” and not “Fire and Ice” until just now. Hahaha!

    Dude, I have such a re-reading issue also! I think the two things I’ve re-read the most besides Harry Potter are The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (where is that?? Somebody has it…) and the Chronicles of Chrestomanci. I don’t think it’s 100% a bad thing because obviously we enjoy reading these things over and over and also I think it is totally true that you see something different every time you read a book. Maybe because you didn’t notice it before, but also because YOU are different every time you read a book.

    I haven’t touched The Hunger Games since Mockingjay wrecked my soul. But I wonder what it would be like reading it again. Hmmm…

  3. Did you watch the Stephen Hawking episode of Curiosity? It’s freaking amazing. I didn’t realize how eloquent he can be, even as he is explaining science I barely grasp.

    Also… I think it’s impossible to conclusively find the world’s shortest book. People could argue about what makes a book a book, and no one would agree on anything.

    Though… I would like you to read Steinbeck’s The Pearl (which is super short) and tell me if it’s as god awful as I remember. And if it is, Malevolent Monday!! 🙂

    • I’m afraid to watch that episode because I thought it would drive me crazy to hear Stephen Hawking narrate an entire episode of a TV show. Did he really narrate the whole thing!?!

      • What they did was start out with his voice, but after ~30 seconds it would blend into this British man saying what Stephen Hawking had written. After each commercial break they did this, so it was less than 5 minutes total of the voice. Totally worth it!

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