We’re Gonna Need an Even Bigger Boat: Cassie-la Swims Through ‘Big Ass Shark’ by Briar Lee Mitchell

Big Ass SharkBig Ass Shark by Briar Lee Mitchell
Genre: Fiction, horror, sharks, who needs regular sized sharks when you can have big ass sharks?
Rating: 3.75 out of 5 stars

Summary: Wannabe actress Misty’s life is turned upside down when she has a horrifying chance encounter with an enormous white shark, the long thought extinct Megalodon. Armed with a giant tooth and a video of her near death, Misty gets embroiled in a dangerous adventure involving a reporter, several scientists, an insane billionaire, some shark hunters and a park ranger. Not to mention a big ass shark named Ghostie.

I know what you’re not thinking: “But Cassie, last year you promised for Shark Week you would review Sharcano, a story about sharks made of liquid hot magma.”

Well sorry non-existant person, but try as I might I could barely make it through the prologue. To put things into perspective, I was able to finish the novelization of Jaws: The Revenge, which is about a shark following a widow to the Bahamas because her son broke a magical gourd. Yeah.

Not only was I pressed for time because Shark Week came an entire month earlier this year to coincide with actual summer and the plot of Jaws, but when something has that many similes in the first few pages, uses the phrase “the icing on the fight cake” and refers to animals as “meat trains” I have to concede defeat.

Thankfully, I had a backup.

Enter Big Ass Shark — the Hot Tub Time Machine of book titles — which features a plot about (you guessed it) a big ass shark “named” Ghostie. Specifically the definitely extinct Megalodon. Yes Shark Week 2013, extinct.

The story follows a wannabee actress, a reporter trying to make a name for himself, a small time park ranger, multiple shark scientists, a game hunter and a billionaire who owns an aquarium/theme park in Japan full of rare and dangerous creatures. Of course, he wants to make Ghostie his next exhibit because billionaires always think it’s okay to put dangerous extinct creatures in theme parks.

All our heroes and villains are trying to find the enormous white Megalodon, who Misty had a chance encounter with, snagging herself some terrifying video and a giant tooth to back up her wild story.

Similar to Jaws the book (not the far superior movie), I couldn’t help but wish Big Ass Shark had more carnage. Also similar to Jaws (the book and the movie) the climax takes place during a wild mid-ocean showdown. How else do you end a shark book?

A super quick read, Big Ass Shark is a jawsome beach or poolside book which can easily be finished in one day.

I read the first half in only an hour or so due to the constantly shifting POVs and the fast moving plot which didn’t leave much time for dull moments.

May I suggest a sequel titled Bigger Ass Shark? That would be fintastic.

THE GOOD

  • Super quick read with a fast-paced plot
  • Action packed with no time for dull moments
  • Fun beach read material
  • TEAM GHOSTIE!

THE BAD

  • Characters were fleshed out but not enough (but how much character development can you have in 146 pages?)
  • Could have used more death to match the destruction

So what’s on the docket for next year? Is Sharcano so bad that it deserves another chance, should I revisit Paul Rudd’s masterpiece Sharc and tackle the 400-page behemoth sequel Sharc Bait set in a world where man has never been to the moon, or will something even more ridiculous be released come 2016? Deep Blue Sea novelization please!

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