Stephanie is Fine with Not Seeing “Doon” for a Hundred Years

DoonDoon by Carey Corp & Lorie Langdon
Genre
: YA fiction, fantasy, romance, Twilight
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Summary: Veronica’s life pretty much sucks. Her dad abandoned her when she was 12, her mom is dating a lecherous slob, and her boyfriend just cheated on her. Luckily, her musical theatre obsessed best friend Mackenna makes plans to whisk them both off on a fantastic summer long vacation to Scotland where she has inherited a cottage from her great aunt. Before they leave, Veronica begins having strange visions and dreams about a handsome, blond boy in a kilt who is reaching out to her and calling her name. The visions only increase and grow stronger when they make it across the pond. Kenna thinks Veronica has lost it, until they find a set of magic rings, left to Kenna by her aunt, that transport them across the enchanted Brig into Doon – a magical kingdom straight out of the middle ages. Veronica knows she’ll find her destiny here and with a land full of handsome princes, gorgeous sweeping landscapes and incredible castles, what could go wrong? But Doon is not as perfect as it seems – a cursed witch is out to destroy the kingdom and Veronica and Kenna are suspected of being in league with her. Can they prove their innocence, find true love, and save an entire kingdom from destruction?

Brigadoon as a YA novel sounds amazing, doesn’t it? My mother has always hated the musical – “Why does the village only appear once every hundred years? That’s stupid.” I dozed through it once in high school and I have seen the movie at least one time and it is a little dull. And long. With the 20 minute long dance breaks that were so popular during that time period. So I thought this would be perfect – a modernized novel where teenagers fall into Brigadoon. Except it didn’t work out the way that I wanted, in that I wanted it to be good and it was pretty terrible.

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Bibliomantic Book Club: “The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones”

The Mortal Instruments: City of BonesThe Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
Release Date: August 21, 2013
Genre: Fiction, young adult, fantasy, magic, angels, demons

Summary: Clary is just your ordinary girl, until she learns that she’s part of a race called the Shadowhunters who are tasked with killing demons and keeping humanity in the dark about their constant impending doom. Enter Jace, her love-interest who seems to think fixing your hair is the same as acting and his team of leather-clad teens. And also Alec. When Clary’s mom is kidnapped, she is stuck in the middle of a plot that becomes unnecessarily convoluted and is tasked (for some reason) with protecting the Mortal Cup from Valentine, a diabolical villain with the worst hair of all time who picked up all his tricks from the web-series Acting With James Franco.

Let’s talk about The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.

We know, we don’t want to either because our hearts still hurt, but it must be done. For the good of humanity. For all the people who loved the book series and wanted to see it hit the big screen but haven’t yet subjected their feelings to this monstrosity playing on screens around the world. And more importantly, for every person who will never read The Mortal Instruments because of this film.

WARNING: City of Glass spoilers that are super duper spoiled by this movie anyway ahead.

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Stephanie Discusses “The Chronicles of Narnia”

What? Stephanie is doing a blog post? That’s weird… It’s also weird that it’s Tuesday. But see what happened was I wrote this post yesterday…..but then instead of posting it I got drunk on the beach and watched fireworks. AMERICA! So…little late, but here it is.

Anyway, Cassie-wa is the only one who cares about this, but this is my Narnia post. I did not grow up with Narnia at all. I perhaps read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe in elementary school at some point. Once Cassie-wa and I were in a musical version so I basically knew what it was all about. I really fell in love with the movies. I admit it – I’m slightly obsessed. At the age of 22, I decided to read the series. And found out that the books are HORRIBLE. Wow.

I still find it hard to believe what an incredible disappointment The Chronicles of Narnia were to me. I feel bad because with Harry Potter I am so book-crazed and movie-hating, but with Narnia I just cannot understand this viewpoint at all. This post will contain spoilers, but these books were published like 60 years ago so I don’t know if anyone cares about that at this point.

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Stephanie Explains What “Twilight” is About… Sort Of

I have never read a single Twilight book. I have never watched a Twilight movie. I have seen spoofs, heard people talking about it, and seen movie previews. Based on that and a general disdain for the series I will now write what I think happens in Twilight in a rambling, stream of consciousness form. Hopefully if you have read Twilight you will find this vaguely amusing. This is a special request coming from Cassie-wa. Still working on that Narnia post. Actually reading Beauty Queens. Not doing too bad this week!

Please enjoy.

What I think happens in Twilight:

There’s this girl who is boring and bakes things for her dad who is a cop. Her mom is dead. It rains a lot in the town they live in which is called Forks. She goes to high school and there is this really pale kid there who she is in love with because he’s a vampire. Or…I don’t know why. Oh – her name is Bella and the vampire is named Edward. I think Edward has various brother and sister vampires also. I don’t know if they are actually related or if they all just made each other or what. One of the sisters is named Alice and she likes clothes shopping.

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Stephanie Says: “Harry Potter Movies Bad. Game of Thrones Good.”

Oh. My. DeadGod.

Remember that time I didn’t write a blog post last week? And then didn’t plan one out for this week either? After two weeks ago promising I would really, really write a book blog? Well…..I’m sorry. My job is killing me, I have no time to read. This week’s distractions from reading are especially intense because unfortunately it is Memorial Day weekend. BUT I am HOPING that next Monday you will all be reading a nice blog about Narnia that I’ve been promising Cassie-wa for ages.

This week, I just want to reiterate something – the Harry Potter movies are AWFUL. Like horrendously bad. I do not accept this, but I know some – like Cassie-wa and other fans – will defend them. These defenders will say things like, “Well you just have to view it as separate from the books.” “It can’t be the books exactly – it’s a completely different medium.” Or – “The movies have created their own kind of canon to go off of.”

Except not. Because our friend Cathleen has blown this last theory apart. Cassie-wa briefly mentioned in her post on the 7th movie that at least they attempt to keep the things in the movies consistent. WRONG. WRONG. SO WRONG.

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Stephanie Bashes The Epilogue

Epilogue: Nineteen Years Later by J.K. Rowling.
Rating: .1 out of 5 Stars

Summary: It’s misty. Everyone has a ridiculous name. Children look exactly like their parents. It’s misty. Ginny needs a drink. Hermione won’t stop nagging. Ron is fleetingly funny. Harry learned to express his feelings and it’s annoying. It’s EXTREMELY MISTY.

I love Harry Potter. So much. Really. Harry Potter is my life. I’ve read these books a million times. I wear Harry Potter memorabilia. We’re going to our second Harry Potter convention this summer. I have a Harry Potter tattoo. I enjoy wizard rock.

That being said…the epilogue at the end of the 7th book is the quite possibly worst thing I have ever read. Obviously this post contains spoilers, but if you haven’t finished Harry Potter by now, you should just get out of here and not come back. I mean, really.

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