Bizarro Blursday: Cassie-la Reviews “Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective” by Garrett Cook

Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective by Garrett Cook (Submission)
Genre: Bizarro fiction, short stories, mystery, crime, noir, you couldn’t pay me to live here
Rating: 2.6 out of 5 stars

Summary: After collecting a crippling amount of gambling debt, Charles Hatbox is payed to swap his body for cash with Jimmy Plush, a three foot tall teddy bear detective. Charles now Jimmy inherits a driver named Chang, a sea of enemies, and a girlfriend who dresses in a fox suit. This collection of short stories riffs on hard boiled detective novels with a bizarro twist. Fans of Raymond Chandler, take notice. Anyone frightened by furries, beware.

While writing up that summary I felt like I was transcribing the plot of a Rob Schneider movie. “Rob Schneider is, Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective, and he’s about to find out just how hard being a teddy bear is! Rob Schneider is a carrot! Rob Schneider is a stapler! Der derp dee derpy derp derp derp.”

Anyway, welcome to another Bizarro Blursday where we (generally me) review bizarro novels that get submitted to us by a variety of bizarro authors. This week we have an entirely different level of bizarro, which author Garrett Cook  has dubbed Neopulp Expressionism and Chainsaw Noir. For anyone who likes detective novels from the 20’s and 30’s, this is the bizarro for you. If you’re not a fan of mysteries, crime, or anything resembling Dick Tracy, this is not your short story collection.

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Mirror, Mirror: Cassie-la Pits “Once Upon a Time” Against “Grimm”

TV Show: “Once Upon a Time
Genre: Fiction, fractured fairy-tale, fantasy, this is the show that pushed out “Fables”?
Rating: 2.87 out of 5 stars

Summary: From the writers of “Lost” comes this new ABC drama featuring fairy tale characters trapped in a powerful curse brought on them by an evil witch. 28 years later, Snow White and Prince Charming’s daughter returns to them, fulfilling her destiny to break the curse and rescue the town of Storybrooke from a life of no happily ever afters.

In the magic land of fairy tales (I’m assuming that’s where fairy tales come from), Snow White and Prince Charming have fallen in love, but the Evil Queen (who is much prettier than Snow White- that mirror had it all wrong) curses them for their happiness. The curse she brings makes them forget their previous lives, freezing them in time to never grow old, and sends them to the town of Storybrooke where there are no happy endings. Thankfully, before she can do that, Snow White and the Prince send their daughter in a magical wardrobe to Narnia our world, making the infant promise that she will return and save them in 28 years.

28 years later lady bail bonds-woman Emma (AKA Snow’s baby) is brought back to Storybrook by her abandoned biological son to save the fairy tales from their imprisonment. I think I just got a brain aneurysm typing out that description.

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